Always
by uwprincess
Summary: This follows The Dead Pool. Kate's thoughts.


Kate scanned the nearly empty precinct gym for a sparring partner, but not finding anyone big enough to take her crap right now, she opted for the treadmill instead. She had a white gym towel around her neck with black leggings and a tank top from her locker that were not entirely clean. The leftover stink, mixed with the half empty and luke-warm water bottle, were not the perfect workout conditions, but they was going to have to cut it; she needed to get whatever this was that was in her system out, and she needed to do it fast.

As she aggressively bumped the program speed up two or three notches, she began her inner dialogue…

Alright, Kate…let's play a little word association game…how about ALWAYS.

Always remember to look both ways when you cross the street; Always turn off the light when you leave a room; Always floss; Always ask before you pet a stranger's dog; Always recycle…ok…almost always!

While she was half kidding herself, her brain suddenly remembered why this word was such a big deal at this particular moment. She punched the speed up two more times and kept going…this time with a tinge of bitterness attached…

Always look at the details; Always check your clip before going in after a suspect; Always have your partners back…her partner…ugh. Kate let out an exasperated sigh and kept going.

He is my partner…yes…but that doesn't mean personal. Kate recited the lie that she had told herself innumerable times. Just as important as the dos and don'ts of daily life, it was important to Kate that she not let her guard down with Castle. She had once…even dumped a wonderful guy to pursue what she thought was another…but a side of Castle, let's just call it his inner playboy…or inner idiot…whatever it was…it showed up with Gina on its arm.

"Thank God for that!" Kate had spent a long time telling herself that Castle's trip to the Hamptons with Gina saved her from making the huge mistake of thinking he was relationship material. That summer she had dived back into her mom's case with the rational that she was a stronger woman than before. She didn't allow for Castle's hand in bringing about the new leads to influence her emotions…she was a cop…she was a professional…and she could be unbiased. She had WEEKS to work on it.

When she finally did see Richard Castle again…it was to bust him at a crime scene. Perfect! She was just doing her job. She brought him in because she was REQURIED by LAW! It had nothing to do with his wit, adorable grin or great hair. She again let out an annoyed sigh.

That case had reminded her that being around Castle was fun and she thought, "What the hell, I am a professional, but that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun; and I know better than to get too close."

So that is where they stood. Day in and day out she and Richard Castle are partners who enjoy the back and forth and (for her) free coffee that come with the relationship, but that is it. Nothing more.

She usually believes this lie. So well, in fact, that she can tell it to her handsome and, more recently, fairly serious boyfriend and he believes her.

So what happened today?

Why did she feel as if she had given away a little bit of her soul by telling Castle…ALWAYS…?

What was it about that moment that had made her pledge herself to this "casual partnership" with such blind commitment and dedication?

Kate was already running at an alarming pace but bumped the machine up two more speeds till she was in a full sprint. Her towel bounced around her neck and the water bottle shook in the cup holder.

"I was in control of that interrogation" She thought to herself as she replayed the scene. She had gotten Castle to admit that he was jealous of Alex. Gotten him to say that he didn't want her to spend time with another writer and she was smitten with his honesty. She smiled and threw him a bone…told him he was sweet…something you would tell a puppy but not anything serious. She delivered the "I'm a one writer girl" line that she had thought up earlier with practiced charm but never letting on that it really could hold deeper meaning.

But then, moments later, Castle just said "Thank you" but she knew it meant so much more. Perhaps he wasn't as good at the practiced casualness as she was or maybe he wasn't trying to be, but before she could stop herself, and all too quickly, she just said it…"Always."

She felt so vulnerable afterwards and bit her tongue to not say anything else to make it worse. She was waiting for his quick and goofy comeback to follow but got none; just his satisfied grin. The man looked ten pounds lighter. She could feel him watching her as she sat at her desk and while she was happy to have him sit and stay with her, she also felt like he was starring inside her while he watched. In that moment not only had she let a tiny piece of her guard down, but Kate realized how much she really meant what she had involuntarily said. She was prepared to be by his side, and have his back, and to do what she could to make him happy…always.

With admirable coordination, she simultaneously placed either foot on the side of the now thumping treadmill and hit the power switch. She wiped the sweat from her face which was dripping down to cover her neck and chest. She was breathing heavily and wished she had a mom to call and ask about the matters of her heart.

I don't have a mom, Kate thought, but I do have someone in my life that I want to be with…always. If he knows how much I meant it…and I dare say he does…than I guess there is no going back. I guess for now that will have to be good enough. The ball will have to be in his court.


End file.
